Writing a Query: The Heart

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." - Mr. Darcy
photo by sallydell on www.sxc.hu

Just like Darcy, writers want agents/editors to fall in love with their story, and the next section of your query, The Heart, is where it happens.

Using the one-sentence pitches, I created after the SCBWI conference last year, I was able to zero in on my hook. In the next few, short paragraphs of my query, I needed to sell The Heart of my story.

Here again is the pitch using Nathan Bransford's one-sentence pitch formula.

When a driven mathematician falls for a girl with a devastating secret, he must put his future on hold in order to enjoy the time they have left together.

The heart of my story is what Charlie (driven mathematician) will do to be with Charlotte (girl with a devastating secret).

A query is NOT a synopsis, however, so I want to give the reader a glimpse into the story. The Heart tells the who, what, when and where of the story. It does not discuss the whys.

I call it The Heart (and not just a summary) because it needs to reflect the voice, tone, and mood of your work. When reading it, an agent or editor should be able to feel the texture of your story.

My story is told from a very logical, mathematical boy's point of view. Therefore, my query had to reflect that. In describing the who of the story, I set the details in a framework that Charlie would understand.

Charlie’s instantly attracted to Charlotte, despite these constants:  x = she doodles on her sneakers, y = sings into wooden spoons, and z = prefers reading novels to filling out college applications.

My next paragraph describes what happens in the story. Notice the when and where are implied in my query since I write contemporary young adult fiction. If this were historical, fantasy, or sci-fi, I'd need to be more specific. 

What makes The Heart so difficult is staying focused on the main plot of the story. There's no space in a query for subplots, and I love subplots! This paragraph right here is the one that drove me crazy. Looking at it now, my fingers itch to keep working on it and make it better. 

By the time Charlie learns Charlotte has cancer, her gravitational pull on him is too great to overcome. Charlotte asks Charlie to distract her older sister, the English teacher at Brighton, while Charlotte decides her own fate. Charlie orchestrates the biggest prank war in Brighton history to draw away Ms. Finch’s attentions, but in doing so he puts his own future in jeopardy.

And my final paragraph in The Heart of my query rephrases the central conflict, again in a way that reflects Charlie's perspective. 

Charlie must choose between the familiar formulas he’s always relied on or the girl his heart craves, even though the only known variable in a future with Charlotte is heartache.

The Heart must do more than just summarize the main plot points of your story for a reader. It has to feel as alive and familiar as your favorite character. It has to have as much voice and tone as your favorite scene. Agents and editors are looking for stories they can fall in love with. Here in the middle is where you write your love story.

Up Next: Writing a Query: The End