Meet my new favorite word

Photo by Helmut Gevert

Jackhole is one of my new favorite words.  I find saying it oddly soothing.  I learned about it from an enormously funny mommy blog (thanks to my sis) called Rants from Mommyland in which a ranting mother called her child's car seat a jackhole for being so absolutely impossible to work with.

This was the same day I learned one of my Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure family members had gone home from the hospital into hospice care.  I immediately composed this letter.

Dear Cancer,

You are a real jackhole.

Sincerly, 

The Tutu Sisters

My sister and I are known as the Tutu Sisters at the Washington, D.C. Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure.  This past year, we were lucky enough to meet the Tutu Brothers from Philadelphia.  They pretty much saved our butts from being squished under a bus while we all rode the busy streets of DC as part of a crazy awesome route safety crew.  They are amazing men - kind, compassionate, endearing, driven and beloved.  They are their mother's sons.

I was fortunate to meet their Tutu Mama just before closing ceremonies on day 3.  She was radiant.  Every bit of her shone.  Her smile, her eyes, the warmth from her hugs, the glittery way her tutu hat moved under the late afternoon sun.  Lively does not begin to describe her.  She was life itself.

And today I learned that she has

Yeah, I've been trying to finish that last sentence for awhile now.  I think you can all see where I'm going with it, so do I need to say it out loud?  Now?  Can't I just let it go for  awhile?

Thing is that I could.  I could just ignore it and pretend it isn't something that really bothers me much.  I mean, it's sad, right?  A woman I met once died.  That sucks, but . . .

She died.  She died and cancer killed her and I'm pretty pissed about that right now.  And sad.  And lonely.  And frustrated.  And hollow.  And heartbroken.  And fearful.  And so, so, so sad.  Oh, I said that already, hunh?

My sis and I work hard at raising awareness about breast cancer and ovarian cancer.  We raise money, we walk, we talk to people about it constantly, we make idiots of ourselves riding through our nation's capitol wearing tutus.  I've lost a lot of acquaintances due to my involvement with cancer.  They just can't bear to talk to me anymore because I remind them of something awful and tiresome and frightening.  I'm the cancer lady.  I remind them that we still aren't doing enough because if we were, I wouldn't have to be such a damn nuisance.

And if they think I'm bad, they should get a load of all the women and men across the globe getting involved and dedicating their lives to finding a cure.

Cancer's a jackhole.  Plain and simple.  It took a beautiful woman away from her beautiful family.  And I'm so hurt by that right now that I'd love to walk away and never speak about it again.  But, I can't.  Because I don't back down from bullies.  Not anymore.

Better watch your back, Cancer.

Closing ceremonies
2009 Washington, D.C. Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure

As always, click on any of the Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure links above to make a donation.  And feel free to tell your own story here by leaving a comment.