My favorite book (that I've never read)

My favorite book—I think.

Let’s talk about our favorite books. This is mine.

At least, I think it is. I haven’t read it yet.

I know, it’s nuts! I’ve read all of John Green’s books. I watch the Vlog Brothers. I know what DFTBA means. But, I haven’t read my favorite book.

And before the first stone is cast, let me explain.

In the fall of 2011, I went to Clowe’s Auditorium for the Butler University Vivian S. Delbrook Visiting Writers Series. John Green was speaking. I wasn’t sure what he was speaking about, and it didn’t matter. He could have stood on the stage and stared at us, and I would have gone. It was my first opportunity since moving to Indiana to see him in person (Read Country Roads Take me Home).

That night, he shared with us the first chapter of a yet unpublished novel he’d been working on for over a decade. He read from The Fault In Our Stars, and while a piece of me hungered to read that book, a larger piece of me completely freaked out.

Crap.

John Green wrote a book about love and cancer.

My own manuscript deals with a similar subject matter. Okay, fine. It also talks about love and cancer. The subjects are exactly the same.

Crap.

Mine is different from his though, so I’ve been told. But sitting in that auditorium, packed with adoring Nerdfighters, I felt nauseous.

If John Green has written a book on this subject, and John Green is one of the greatest voices in young adult literature today, then why am I wasting my time?

John Green + love + cancer = awesome to the infinite power.

Me + love + cancer = x

Damn you unknown variable! Why must you and your little friend Algebra torment me so?

After that event, I just wanted to eat cupcakes and maybe burn my computer.

Yes. Cupcakes + matches = good idea.

Hubster has now hidden all the matches in the house.

Many cupcakes later, I decided to keep writing my own story. I also decided, that when the book came out I would not read it until I’d finished my own.

I was afraid I’d end up inadvertently retelling his story instead of mine. Or that somewhere down the line, someone might accuse me of ripping him off, and I wouldn’t be able to defend myself. In my heart, I was afraid I’d read his story and feel like mine was inconsequential in comparison.

Y'all that is my name!

When TFioS was released, I bought a copy at Kids Ink and even had John Green sign it at the Indy Author Fair.

Then I set the book aside and told myself reading it would be my reward for finishing all my revisions. When my revisions were done though, I couldn’t make myself read it. It had become more than a simple book. In my imagination, it was both my nemesis and my superhero sidekick (or rather, TFioS was the superhero and I was the sidekick, and together we’d make the world a better place! I know. I know. I will immediately seek psychological treatments).

I told myself I’d wait until my query letter was polished. And then I needed to wait until the queries were sent. May as well wait until I’d found an agent (Read Out of the Shark Tank).

Now, I’m telling myself that I need to wait to get through the revisions she’ll want me to make. And since it’s been this long, perhaps I’ll wait longer and reward myself with a great read when my manuscript gets sold.

No one could be happier about TFioS being made into a movie. I’ll have to read it before I see the movie. That’s a law in my world. Book before movie. Thank goodness Hollywood is finally looking out for me!

           

I fear the anticipation of reading TFioS has grown so huge that I’ll keep putting it off again and again and again.

One day, I know I will sit down and read Hazel and Augustus’s love story. And when I do, I’m damn sure it will be my favorite book.